I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
