Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just had sex bonerless
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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