I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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