The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
