you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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