there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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