just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's blow job season.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
