He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need mimosas to revive my soul
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
