I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
