i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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