Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
