YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
