genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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