Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
