also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
3pm strippers are depressing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
