that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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