Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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