hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
