Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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