Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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