Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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