It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
