it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
