I think I am morally bankrupt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
