you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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