My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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