What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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