An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
