you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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