It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
