Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
