I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize