he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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