its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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