Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
tell me about the fingering
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
