Rock
Scissors
Fuck
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
