O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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