Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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