don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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