I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
