We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dignity is for republicans.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
