we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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