Your mouth is God's brothel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i've created a new STD.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
