But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
