Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
