her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
