if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize