Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
