you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just pee around me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
