so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed