just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect