remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder