You're so nebulous sometimes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.