I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.