I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
