Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
