I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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