When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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