HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
