You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
