I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
