Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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