i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
