i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
