I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
